Personal Essays

The Color of Joy 

Painting the wainscoting.

I would say it feels like there are a lot of projects slowly progressing at the house, but it doesn’t just feel that way. It is that way. Lots of simultaneous projects, each slowly nearing completion.

In an alternate universe, I would be about ready to pop out a baby in the next couple of weeks.  Continue reading “The Color of Joy “

Personal Essays

Instant Karma

As the weeks wore on before the big move into the house, I tried my very best to amp up my excitement. Just a few months before, I would have screamed with joy at moving into our home on our land. But I was having trouble mustering emotions. I am still having trouble finding any emotions; a sure sign the the dark cloud is slowly lifting. Depression strikes me with waves of emotional outbursts followed by complete apathy before it subsides. So I have been biding my time and riding the storm out. The transition began; I sent a letter to our landlord giving our thirty days notice. And then I promptly broke out in a rash.

The last gift my neighbor’s cat brought me before we moved. At least this one was dead, she tortured the last mouse in front of me before chomping on its neck. I do admire her tenacity.

Continue reading “Instant Karma”

Personal Essays

Never Take A Single Breath for Granted


It began with a strange smell or scent in the air. A sixth sense I have. Then  some sneezing and wheezing (a whistling sound when you breathe in). Eventually my  lungs start itching. It escalates quickly….far too quickly. It’s an itch I can’t scratch. My fingernails want to claw deep inside my chest cavity and break open my ribs, when in fact my lungs aren’t itching at all. It’s my body. My body warning me that I am not getting any oxygen to my lungs and into my blood stream.  A wimpy cough comes out. It’s not deep, it’s a not cough from deep down inside my gut. It isn’t wet with phlegm or even dry and hacking. It’s shallow…it’s breathy. Oh geez. It’s my asthma. Continue reading “Never Take A Single Breath for Granted”

Personal Essays

The One True Thing I Know After Thirty Years

SDSU Drumline
SDSU Drumline-I have no idea what year this is

Disclaimer: I just want to make clear, from the beginning, that in no way do I fault or want to discredit SDSU as a fantastic collegiate option for students in music or in other studies. There is and has been an incredible amount of talent in the faculty and  the amazing people  I attended  school with (including my husband) are amazing because of the music department at SDSU. I had amazing teachers and friends in Brookings. The struggles described below I had in my scholastic studies and relationships are purely of my own doing and search to find a place where I felt I could “fit in.”  Continue reading “The One True Thing I Know After Thirty Years”

Personal Essays

A Few Weeks of Shingles

A whole week went by without a blog post. It’s not that work has not been happening on the house. But it is that the fall has started to become it’s own obstacle. These past two weeks have been more obstacle than help with the house.

My incredibly hard-working husband discovered he had an ear infection-a massive ear infection. Despite everything I tried to help him feel better (and he so graciously agreed to), it was a week with antibiotics and it slowed life down. Continue reading “A Few Weeks of Shingles”